| Denial My eye's burn into the darkness It's warm, calm and safe I hear everything around me Not wanting to participate No one can help me where I am at At times I like it like that The scent of your shirt The posters on your wall The boys "Annual Summer Vacation" is on You're not really gone at all I Love You, Mom August 2000 |
| Fading To my child, my happiness My purpose for existence I felt it since the day you were born It didn't matter how much you had grown Your graduation is in the year 2002 Unimaginable it will go on without you I see your smile as you lift the tassel to the other side You look back and see your parents bursting with such pride. Just to be your Mom was all I ever wanted. You fulfilled my every need. You were all I ever wanted. I thought that someday I'd see you as a man Looking dapper holding your wife and son's hands. If I were allowed to have one more day with you I'd cradle you in my arms and I'd sing to you I'd tell you to relax that everything was going to be OK I'd hold you and God would tell you it was your day. I would run my fingers through your hair Then put my hands on your cheeks, Dear God this is so unfair! Son I miss you, I ache for you, and I cry for you They have ripped out my heart and soul, I would have died for you. Please let there be a heaven where my baby can sleep Don't let the cold dirt be resting on his feet Let us go back to an eye for an eye Then and only then, will second thoughts rise before pulling the trigger Reunited in Heaven Maybe, Love Eternally, Mom Written in UCLA The First Time The darkness is so intense My body trembles I am so scared I begin to relax and smile I hold out my hand and say that I am not afraid Your presence of your soul glides into focus Soft gray and white swirls that resemble sea anemones My eyes look deeper into the darkness Holding onto the calmness and peace Not wanting to forget this experience I write it down as time has away of stealing I am no longer afraid of the dark, as I know That is where I get to see you Thank You Son, Love Mom Susan Markowitz 2/2/2001 |
| Drifting The dark pierces the night I cannot see you please come to me The poems have slowed It's too unbearable what is beginning to show Your on my mind 24/7 Hoping life continues on for you Please God let there be a heaven For my only child who was so brutally murdered. 10/26/2000 Missing and aching for you, All my Love, Mommy |
| Looking Looking for you Where are you hiding? There you are you silly Home is where you belong Sweet Dreams PS Help |
| For Life Mourning Nicholas Talking to him as if he were here The depression of no reply Heart palpitations are the norm Mom's fingers type where he typed Staring into nothing, a safety mechanism The depth of this pain is beyond explanation The really are no words to completely describe This anxiety of breathing knowing he is not The feeling of being pushed off the highest mountain Falling backwards, so not to see What is waiting? a life sentence, No Parole 2/3/2001 Susan Markowitz |
Nicks Photo Album
As Time Goes By
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| Dear God: This is Susan Markowitz there has been a mistake. You see Nick was a good boy. I was trying to raise him right. I am so sorry if I did something wrong. Could you Please send him back? I promise to do better I'm begging you Please send him back and take me. There is a word called miracles, only you can do them. I have never asked for one before. Actually, I haven't asked you for anything except to have a child. Could you please undo what those boys did to my son? I looked at the calendar and it has been four months and I really need him back. I try to get by with just his memory; it is not enough. I will trade everything including my soul to just say good-bye. PS Waiting in West Hills, CA 12/9/2000 |
Song Playing "Wind Beneath My Wings"
